Picture this. Sunday, 11.38am. You muster the last ounces of energy left to open your sticky eyes. The cracked voice of your pal that stayed over hits your ringing eardrums, gasping, “water”. You throw them the final dregs of Tennent’s from last night. Close enough.
“There’s only one place that can save you now,” says your arrogantly unhungover housemate. However smug they sound, you might just gain an eternal, burning love for them once they take you to Lunch Glasgow for this demon of a breakfast wrap.
A heavy night on the buck? Jackpot. A saviour provides light on the streets of Glasgow. And, my god, just look at the size of this greasy weapon.
It’s devilish. It’s violent. And, for many, it’s utterly beautiful. Quite how it’s crafted up like this, we’ll never know. But there are certain times in life, that one of these is all that will do.
Though these could be misconstrued for one of those eating challenges in America where you get a prize for finishing, it really is for one person. Never underestimate the human body after one-too-many the night before.
If not us, then plenty of us will have mates that we know will be eternally grateful for introducing this into their hangover-stricken weekends. You’ll also probably know some maniacs who can finish one of these off for lunch on a regular day like it’s absolutely nothing. Nothing but respect for these soldiers.
Alongside the wrap, there’s plenty more to choose from at Lunch Glasgow, including Scotch Creme Eggs(?!), Chicken and Chorizo Mac Stack Wraps, and this spicy Caliente Burger. All in all, a palace of tiny portions…
As for the wrap itself, the sculpture of this beast deserves infinite recognition. Thick rations of sausage, vats of bacon, and mounds of black pudding will get the most credit. But the heartbeat—the cog where the machine lives and dies—lies within the golden, pulsating egg yolk that glues this champion together. Yolky boi is the criminally underrated defensive midfielder of the breakfast wrap universe.
There are also oversized beans that put this into the God Tier, entering it into the final boss battle with this viral sensation platter from Dalby Cafe in Margate.
Get yourself down to this marvellous café to give your body a further battering, to one-up what it just took the night before. If it becomes your weekend staple, we can only commend you. Batter up.
Lunch Glasgow, 1620 Great Western Road, G13 1HH